The Inner Child in Psychotherapy
Signs of an Unhealed Inner Child
- Codependency
- People-pleasing (putting others above one’s own needs)
- Being numb or disconnected from oneself
- Seeking validation “only” from outside/compensation/working “very hard” to prove one’s worth
- Fear of rejection/abandonment
- Constantly alert or constantly tense
- Giving too much of themselves/overtaxing themselves
- Attracting narcissistic partners
- Difficulty setting boundaries (constructive anger management)
The “inner child” is a term used in therapy to describe the part of our inner life that reaches from childhood into adulthood. Roughly speaking, it refers to the influences we have consciously or unconsciously “carried with us” from our childhood years.
It is not to be understood literally as an inner child, but rather as a symbol for the childlike aspects of our personality that emerged from early influences.
Particularly relevant in the context of psychotherapy is the fact that many of the patterns and behaviors we exhibit as adults were essential for survival as children (for example, to avoid losing our parents’ affection). Very often, these were adaptive strategies, which thus had value, but in many cases are now a hindrance in adult life.
1x1 mental hygiene

Work in progress…
Boundaries for beginners
- I’d really like to help you out but I got some pressing things I need to attend to for myself first.
- I can see your upset + I’d love to support you, however I don’t have the space/ capacity right now.
- You have every right to feel like you do, however I am not comfortable taking sides with this conversation.
- I am a little tied up right now, I drop you a note once I am free.
- It sounds great but I’m really feeling like I need some time to myself this weekend.
- I’d rather not discuss my relationship/ body/ choices right now.
- Thanks for the invite, however, I am not available that evening.